Today's the day after my goodbye party, and the reality of leaving is beginning to sink in.
My visa is obtained, the list of things to bring is finished, I know who my host family is, and I'm going to see today if I over-estimated the amount of space in my luggage.
People keep asking me if I'm excited. I don't really know if I am at this point because there's a kind of unreality to the idea that I'm leaving my home, my husband, and everything I've grown accustomed to for three months. Many have said they think what I'm doing is brave, but I'm not sure that is entirely accurate, as I'm pretty much scared stiff of what I'm jumping into. Having the comfort of knowing that I have friends in Beijing is making it more tolerable, and knowing that Doug (the husband) will be joining me in December is also a boon. But I'm terrified that I won't be able to accomplish what I've set out to do (i.e., learn enough additional Mandarin to be useful to an employer, then find a job where I can use it), not to mention having to live by someone else's rules for the first time since I was 18 years old. I suppose all these fears are normal, and once I land in China I will be so immersed in what I am doing that I probably won't have time to think about any of this (or at least I hope so!!!).
Today I pack and try and get some last minute errands completed...Next time I post will be from Beijing.
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You pretty much have to be scared to be brave, no? I mean, I'm not brave when I stick stamps on envelopes, because it's not scary.
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