A New Tutor and A Bus Trip in Beijing

So since we last spoke I’ve not done much of note. I’m starting to get used to living here. It’s never going to get better (i.e., diapers are no where to be found, and it ain’t ever gonna be clean), but I’ve begun to get used to it. It’s really the shower situation that has me most uncomfortable, but I’ve sworn to think of it as one long camping trip! The little girl is cute, but unfortunately screams a lot all the time. And when she screams they give her what she wants, so me thinks it’s not going to change any time soon.

One weird thing I’ve noticed here is that no one introduces themselves. I moved into the house and I still don’t know the name of the Ayi or the baby. Three days ago the mom finally told me her name was Yuan. That was apparently a huge breakthrough. I’ve also met Yuan’s younger brother, his wife, and their daughter and had dinner at their house last night, and no one introduced themselves there either. I just find that very odd. I guess since they know who I am they don’t think they have to introduce themselves? Who knows…

I have a new tutor as well. My old tutor is still my morning tutor, but now I have a new tutor for the afternoons who is a teacher, and I suddenly find myself much less frustrated with the way things are going. It’s amazing what having a teacher that actually knows how to teach and organize a lesson will do for your ability to learn. Of course the lion’s share of the work is still in my ballpark, as I have to try and remember all those darn words and grammatical structures, but it’s a huge start towards feeling like I can actually make some progress in the next 5 ½ weeks.

Bus Trip:

Ok, so in the United States when you take a bus, even if it’s crowded (i.e., the Orange Line during rush hour when it’s raining) there’s still some sort of awareness of feeling awkward about being pressed up against other people. Most folks will try and gain a little bit of personal space if possible even in the crush. In China, not so much. Today on the way back from my tutoring up at the Beijing Language and Culture University it was rush hour in Beijing. You think a couple of million people make for a crazy rush hour…try 12 million. I got on this bus that was already packed, and thought I’d be the last one on because I couldn’t see how anyone else would fit…boy was I wrong wrong wrong. About 7 more people got on behind me, some of whom blocked the doors from closing, so the bus started driving and people were hanging out the doors. Then there was the argument between the money-taker and one of the passengers…she got thrown off at the next stop, when about 4 more people got on. I guess riding in a bus in Beijing during rush hour defines what it means to feel like a sardine. Couldn’t move an inch of my body. When I finally got out I had to push people out of the door to do it…guess I don’t have to worry about seeming rude!

Perspectives on Homelife in China vs. U.S.

As you can see in the post below, I’m having to come to terms with the fact that as a 30-something, I’m apparently much more close-minded and much less adaptable than I was as a 20-something. I sincerely did freak out about my situation for about 2-3 days. I’m still concerned about my ability to stick it out.

When I decided to come here and do a homestay, I sincerely thought I knew what I was getting into (I’ve been to Chinese homes of various types over the years). While I recognized it would be difficult, I don’t think I realized that knowing in theory about how we in the United States live versus how Chinese families live, and actually living in it, would be such a crisis-inducing experience for me. I did some nutty things in college while in China and lived in some pretty god-awful places both in China and of all places the Netherlands. Therefore I thought – hey…I did it then, I can do it now. But I guess at that point we are all relatively malleable when it comes to our living conditions, and we do things for the adventure of it all.

Somewhere along the line, I think I got used to the comforts and stability of my own home. We come to expect a level of privacy in the U.S. that doesn’t exist here. We also have a perception of cleanliness that borders on the neurotic, but nevertheless I think it forms our thoughts and opinions of other homes and our ability to feel comfortable in places less clean. And don’t get me started on the sanitary conditions of our food in China vs. US…that’s a whole different ballgame.

I think in the end this experience will be good for me if I can manage to stay healthy and stick it out. Although I don’t really think I’ll ever be comfortable here, it will have served to expose my own shortcomings and prejudices about my own life and the lives we all lead.

I guess in the end that's the point of a cultural exchange...

New Homestay Update

I needed to wait until today to write this so that I could calm down a bit before I made everyone think I was about to jump off a bridge or pack it in and come home (only Doug was subjected to those two days).

As you can see from the pictures posted below, this is a very interesting environment I’ve found myself in. But in the end they are very nice people, and happy to have me here, and have shown me nothing but hospitality.





Here’s the full deal:

This was supposed to be a 31-year old couple. I see no sign of the husband whatsoever, nor have I seen any sign that a man lives here even part time (no male clothing or shoes, etc.). Instead there’s the mom, a live-in Ayi (literally “Aunt” but generally used to refer to a nanny), and the 1 year old.

When I arrived, I realized that, consistent with many parents in China, the mom has the baby in split pants (i.e., no diapers). Within 30 minutes of being on the premises, the baby, which is not potty-trained, came jogging into my room….well you can fill in the blank with that one. Needless to say it contributed to my complete freak-out about my situation.

Oh, and did you see the picture of the bathroom? Yes, to the left of the Chinese squat-toilet (which I share with the Ayi and the baby – the mom has her own bathroom that has a western toilet, but in order to use it I’d have to go through her bedroom) is the shower. There’s a drain on the floor.

No one in the house but me speaks any English at all (the mom speaks a few words but that’s it.

The last few days have been exceedingly difficult mentally, but fortunately two different friends here in Beijing offered up their respective homes to me for Saturday night. It gave me a enough of a break from all the adjustments that I was able to come back here Sunday afternoon and get some perspective.

Weird Key Obsession Leading to Moves

So I’m in a very odd situation right now, and will be leaving my cushy suburban home for a new place.

My host family (Bai and Liu) lives in a locked building on the 8^th floor. When I arrived there was no mention of how I would get in and out of the building. By the 2^nd day I came to the realization that no key was forthcoming. I asked about it. They said they didn’t have one for me. Due to the language barrier, I couldn’t explain that as a 30-something year old woman, I was not accustomed to the idea that I would have to have mom and dad buzz me in when I wanted to go anywhere, and who knows if they would be here when I came back?

Then an additional complication arose, that my tutor is actually a graduate student at Beijing Normal University and therefore does not have an office. So we’re needing to do our sessions (6-hours a day mind you…more on that later) in the apartment otherwise we’re banished to the nearest kafeiguan (coffee shop). The family definitely didn’t like that. They said we couldn’t have our sessions here because they were too busy and wouldn’t be around all the time, and without a key they would have to be around.

So we told Lotus Study (https://www.lotusstudy.com) about the situation to see if we could resolve it (i.e., get me a key so I wasn’t a prisoner in their home and so I had a place to do my tutoring). In the end they wouldn’t give me a key or agree to let me have my tutoring sessions here, even knowing that it would necessitate me leaving (I mean hello? I’m 30+ and if I’m living with you presumably you’d give me a key). From conversations I had, I get the impression that they might have been willing to give me a key, but they don’t trust my tutor (which is weird no?).

As a result, I will be leaving these nice people in their very clean apartment (anyone who’s been to China can tell you how rare that is) tomorrow morning and moving in with a young couple with a 1-year old child. Frankly I really liked these folks – they were very kind and very happy people – and am in a lot of ways sad to go.

Here’s the good and the bad:

Good: new family isn’t in the boonies, they’re 10 minutes closer to the center of town, making transport much easier, and I shouldn’t have any problem getting a darn key to not feel like I’m in elementary school again

Bad: I have to adjust again to something entirely new and get to know new people once again, oh, and let’s pray the 1-year old isn’t a screamer.

Adjustments

I have officially arrived at my homestay with the family. Got in around 12pm on Sunday afternoon. I think I would have been better prepared for this kind of experience as a student, but as an adult it is going to be quite the adjustment. They seem like very nice folks, and I will probably end up liking them very much once I can communicate better with them, but at the moment I feel seriously like a fish out of water.

They have apparently kicked their daughter out of her room for me (she’s sleeping on a cot in the study), which in of itself is making me quite uncomfortable, but then the daughter is quite the phantom. I can’t imagine being 15years old and going to lessons on Sunday until 9:00 PM then leaving the next morning at 6:30AM for school. Craziness!

I also feel bad because I’m not apparently eating enough for them and I get the sense that they feel like I don’t like what they’re feeding me. Unfortunately it’s not the problem. I’m just seriously not hungry. It’s probably the nerves from the hugeness of what I’ve done here (do I really have 8 more weeks of this????), and living entirely outside my element.

I’m going to try and get the family together and take a picture for the blog this evening…hopefully they’ll be amenable J

The serious studying started today as my tutor arrived at 9:00 AM to pick me up...less time for reading now and the work begins!

Here's the picture of my room and family:

I'm Here

Well I arrived safe and sound, with the added perk of a free upgrade to business class. Guess they oversold the flight and status has its privileges.

Right now I'm concentrating on staying conscious...jet lag hitting me hard this time, probably cause I've got no where I have to be.

Funny story from the road:

I get into the cab at the Beijing airport, and he has the radio on. It took me a few minutes in my just-got-off-the-plane haze to realize he was listening to Italian Opera. Maybe it's just me but I found that oddly hilarious.

The Countdown Begins

Today's the day after my goodbye party, and the reality of leaving is beginning to sink in.

My visa is obtained, the list of things to bring is finished, I know who my host family is, and I'm going to see today if I over-estimated the amount of space in my luggage.

People keep asking me if I'm excited. I don't really know if I am at this point because there's a kind of unreality to the idea that I'm leaving my home, my husband, and everything I've grown accustomed to for three months. Many have said they think what I'm doing is brave, but I'm not sure that is entirely accurate, as I'm pretty much scared stiff of what I'm jumping into. Having the comfort of knowing that I have friends in Beijing is making it more tolerable, and knowing that Doug (the husband) will be joining me in December is also a boon. But I'm terrified that I won't be able to accomplish what I've set out to do (i.e., learn enough additional Mandarin to be useful to an employer, then find a job where I can use it), not to mention having to live by someone else's rules for the first time since I was 18 years old. I suppose all these fears are normal, and once I land in China I will be so immersed in what I am doing that I probably won't have time to think about any of this (or at least I hope so!!!).

Today I pack and try and get some last minute errands completed...Next time I post will be from Beijing.